Mother Goose

I got a call yesterday from friends who were going to the pantomime and wanted to invite me along. They have a little girl, so that made it okay. You can't really go unless you have kids (Is it illegal? It might be), so I seized the opportunity. It was my first panto since I was in short trousers. Considering that most of the cultural references were designed to appeal to 10 year olds, I think I did okay.

man dressed as woman ... check
man dressed as goose ... check
man dressed as woman dressed as dalek ... check
flying man ... check
flying goose ... check
flying dalek ... unfortunately not, cos they can you know as we found out this year
man stilt walking included for no obvious advancement of plot ... check
light-saber battle (ditto) ... check
dalek (ditto) ... check
"look behind you" moment ... check (but woefully under-used)
"boo" moment ... check (great fun)
cute tiny kid or live animal on stage (the "ahh" moment) ... strangely absent
bird flu joke ... check
X-Factor references (it's Chico time!) ... check
humiliation of audience member ... check (highlight!)
multiple marriages at finale ... check

The moral of the story was that fat people (i.e. mother goose) shouldn't try and become thin because they are beautiful the way they are (and the goose will stop laying golden eggs). Unfortunately this message would have had more impact had not the heroine, the fairy and the dozen dancing girls not been gorgeous and stick-thin.

The songs were good. We had "Show me the way to Portabello" (aka Peter Kay) and they updated the Proclaimers song:

I would walk 500 miles,
And I would walk 500 more,
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To see that goose once more.

Lamb's Conduit Street

Yesterday morning I flew in from Montreal. I arrived in London and found myself with a few hours to spare before my train to Edinburgh, so I got off the tube a stop before Kings Cross and went for a coffee on Lamb's Conduit Street. This appealing (bizarre?) sounding road is near Russell Square; I know it well because I lived round the corner from it for a year and worked opposite it for almost three. It's pedestrianised and as it's near the financial district it's pretty quiet early on a saturday morning.

I took my large latte and sat in the window, totally jet lagged (my body was screaming "it's 4am, step slowly away from the coffee and put your head down"). I'd just spent two weeks in Canada, and a lot of that time was spent drinking coffee and looking out of windows, so I thought I knew what was involved - and that Canada was interesting and London was, you know, just normal. But I was surprised by how pleasant the whole London coffee-window thing was.

For a start the road sweeper in London was a complete nutter He actually began to beat up his sweeping trolley. He gave it a huge kick, which resounded around the buildings, then after a few minutes, just as I thought I'd imagined it, he whacked it hard with his broom. He was also singing at the time, but I couldn't hear what he was singing. And I can't guess. Probably something pretty epic. Maybe opera?

There was a security guard in a little hut, who emptied the bin from his hut into the sweeper's cart when he wasn't looking. Then there was the happy carpenter busy dismantling some wooded thing in front of the window. He was singing too. And there was a little girl who screamed "I don't want take off my skirt" and her mummy replied calmly that it was okay, she didn't want her to take off her skirt in public either. And there was a Dad and his daughter going to buy croissants. And a kiwi couple buying the paper. And the girl from the croissant shop standing in the doorway with a coffee catching a ray of sun while waiting for customers. And a little kid with a tracheotomy (we were opposite Great Ormond Street Hospital where a tracheotomy is almost compulsory) charging around on a tricycle while his mummy packed the car. And a hugely pregnant publican opening up the bar opposite. All in all pretty entertaining.

In Montreal people just wore thick coats and walked past looking cold. In London people were actually entertaining.

Let's see if this works ...

mmm. seems okay so far. what happens when i press this button? oops