One of our dinosaurs is missing

Well, I'm just back from Christmas with my family in London. Lovely, relaxing time as usual. I did very well on the present front this year - especially from my brother (pictured left) who not only gave me bike tools, a claw hammer and a book on U2 but also gave me a new pair of jeans that were too big for him and I also stole a pair of socks out of a mulitpack he was given.

My parents like to push the boundaries of what I can transport back on the plane. This year they brought me an electric saw - a jigsaw with a laser on the front so you can saw straight. Cool! I packed it at the bottom of my bag, in it's hard plastic case, and took it into London to get the bus to the airport. I intended to leave my bag in the left-luggage office at Victoria station so I could pop into the Wildlife Photographer of the Year exhibition at the Natural History Museum. This is a bit of an annual pilgrimage for me - I enjoy taking a friend along and trying to whittle down the many photos to a "best three". This year was good, but there was nothing to compare with last year's action photo of a penguin pooing.

It did not occur to me that whilst power tools are an acceptable deposit in a station left-luggage office, not everyone takes an electric saw to the Natural History Museum. They had some security blokes searching bags as I went in. The conversation went a bit like this ...

"Do you mind opening your bag sir."
"Sure, um, hang on a sec..." (I open the zip and underwear spills out)
"What's in this box?"
"Um, that's an electric saw," (the lady in the queue behind me lets out a gasp)
"Can you open it up? Mmmm, I see. And what's this?"
"That's a hammer. You see I was at my parent's for Christmas and..."
"And this?"
"... that's a bamboo steamer - I was taking my presents back home and I thought I'd pop in..."
"And this?"
"... half a Christmas cake - and see the Wildlife Photographer of the Year Exhibition"
"Would you come with me sir."

At this point I am clutching an armful of clothing and my deodorant falls to the ground and rolls away. The lady behind me actually let out a little shriek and backed away. She honestly did. I was led to the museum information desk where my hammer and saw were taken by kept for safe keeping and I was given a receipt ("one hammer, one power tool"). The otherwise tight security fell down a little bit on the way out. I presented my receipt and claimed back my rightful property from an amazed museum attendant, then found myself standing in the middle of the Great Hall, next to a huge dinosaur skeleton, clutching a large hammer on one hand and a power saw in the other. If only I'd had a little more presence of mind, and a small ladder, I could have claimed a little souvenir ...